We can become what we want to be, by being what we want to become.  Richard G. Scott

How to Stay Married -- II - in a Series

 Still wondering how you can make certain aspects of your marriage work?

We will submit more ideas about marriage and what it takes to stay married. Think about these angles of a marriage relationship presented here. It is well worth the investment to make marriage work and your level of happiness will be “over the top.”

1. Realize that your problems are most likely not any different than what other couples have worked through and successfully solved.  The same problems keep creeping up in relationships, only the names change.  Human nature has always been the same.

2.  Think about how you felt the last time marital problems arose and how you felt when you stayed in the relationship and worked things out.  Most all of the time, you’re glad you stayed and kept getting better at making marriage work.

3.  Ponder about what is bothering you for some time before you say or take a negative action. Ask yourself is it worth making a big deal out of it, or are you just struggling with a weakness of jealousy or coveting what others have.  This may include the other person’s partner. About 99.999% of the time, “grass is ACTUALLY NOT greener on the other side of the fence.”!

4.  If you’re having a problem with the aforementioned #3, get in touch with reality.  Realize you are probably only seeing that person in a “controlled environment” at church, work, or play for a period of time in which their behavior is “showcased.”  Consider the whole picture.  How much time does that person spend away from their family to make themselves look powerful, spiritual, social, and hold onto the title they now have. Think of the spouse waiting for them at home wishing they had a desire to give time and attention to wife and family! 

Consider the degree of selfishness the person is displaying by spending so much time away from their family.  It is easy to keep your thoughts on the right track when you consider it would not be so much fun, at all, if it evolved around to being YOU one day, because that person is probably not going to change.  The pattern MAY repeat itself!

5.  Be willing to invest as much time in your marriage as you do to the matters of less importance.  If you are unhappy about the way your relationship is going, give it as much time as the time you’re giving the areas of your life you’re successful and happy with, such as your professional status.  The love you will nurture with your spouse will offer a great return on your investment.

6. Be flexible.  Be willing to meet your spouse for an unplanned dinner date in an hour. It may be inconvenient, but you would probably inconvenience yourself for a business associate, neighbor, or friend.  Fostering your marriage is a lot more reason to be flexible than other reasons you may act for. Keep arrangements lined up ahead of time for sitter and also for your best look. If you know your spouse has been out of town for a few days and will be back today, there is a good chance he /she will call and want special time for a dinner date or movie.  Be ready, care for the children, and prepare to look great for that wonderful guy or gal you married.  Remember, when you were dating, you were so willing to drop everything and “run” to the man / woman you married?

7. Results driven is a word we hear in business all the time.  Your marriage can be thought of as your “very personal business” and emphasis, can and should be, placed on its importance.  You should be results driven when it comes to every aspect of your marriage. Don’t think so much about unhappiness or inconvenience today; think about the end result you will have when you have made your partner happy. A year from now, you will not remember the details, about “who gave in first;” you will only remember that you made things work and you are happy now.  What a wonderful ending it can be!

Betty Gustin

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