Life is not about how you feel, it’s about what needs to be done.

Finding the Woman you Want to Marry

Since the beginning, men and women have been searching for "The One."  Thousands of years later, we still find ourselves in search of our soul mate, the one that makes us whole.  Anyone who has been around long enough knows that everyone is different, so my views on what a man might look for in a women, is in fact one's opinion, but a view that might cause you to think about the different aspects of the subject.

1) No list will ever be right or accurate for Ms. Right. In the beginning, I found myself oftentimes thinking or telling friends all of the wonderful attributes that I wanted to find in a wife, but as time went on, I realize it would not happen that way.

 2) You will meet her when you least expect it! You cannot plan love; it just happens. My advice to anyone is to throw away your list and just date. 

3)  She will come into your life and you will know when it is right.

4) Ultimately, it is not about finding the right person; it is about being the right person. Be the type person you want to attract!  If you want someone studious, be studious. If you want someone fun, be fun. If  you want someone classy, be classy. 

5) Be patient. It will happen if you let time take its course. 

6) Most importantly, be yourself. You don't want to be a fake. You can't fake your personality for the rest of your life, so don't try to be somebody that you aren't.  If that individual doesn't like you for who you are, then they are not the one for you. 

7) You are unique. Even if you are the world's greatest individual, you won't be everyone's type. Understand and believe that. You are looking for "the one," not everyone, so go out there and find her, she's waiting!

Allan Gustin

How to Stay Married – I in a Series

Have you been having a bad day, week, or month with issues regarding your marriage? Cheer up and think about these factors that will influence your decisions about marriage.

Also, check back for more articles as there will be a series of writings offered about this vital subject discussing how to work at your marriage and stay married. 

1.  Marriage - Your marriage is the most important institution you will ever cultivate in your life, and perhaps the next life, depending on your religious beliefs. It is very important for many reasons; including your happiness, your children’s happiness, and how it affects the other members of your family.

2.  Attitude - With the right attitude, through most problems, you can find a way to work things out. Think about how you felt on the day you married. He / she was the most wonderful man / woman you had ever met. You had endless dreams of your life together. Put your objections aside and concentrate on those dreams for a few minutes each day. When you were newly married, nothing was going to stand in the way of those dreams.

3.  Reflect – Everything goes back to perspective. Reflect on all the good times you have had together and how it has enriched your life. You don’t want to let a speck of time such as a day, week, or month influence a negative decision that would affect you from this time forth.

4.  React – Respond to your negative thoughts with positive action.  This takes humility! For a moment, think about what you can do to make everything right again. Maybe you feel like putting a note in a coat or jacket pocket. Perhaps you have thought about sending flowers. Think about any positive action that will start the process of reconciliation.

5. Individual – Both of you are individuals. Every day is not going to be close to perfect. We are here to work through situations each day and understand the individual you are married to.  It would actually be pretty boring if the person you were married to agreed with and did everything you said and did not have an opposing opinion.

6. Act – The “ball is in your court” of what you want to make of the situation.  It is “in your court” because you can make it that way. You can keep the problem going for days, weeks, or months (and waste time) or you can act upon it today and think about what is good for both of you. You have the power to return from work or greet your mate and act like everything is OK and you have forgotten about the negative situation that brought the problem.

7. Get it – Understand that you are not dealing with trivial decisions when it comes to marriage. You’re not in the middle of something that is disposable like some people would have you believe. Most likely, if you are having problems with a mate and you do not learn how to work them out, you will have the same problems with the next partner, so it makes sense to work through the problems now and truly be successful!

8. Evaluate – Consider why you are unhappy. Is it because your husband / wife is not working or not bringing in the income they used to? Is it because they don’t physically look the way they used to look?  Is it because they haven’t become the person you wanted them to become?  Start by looking at yourself. What is your income situation? How have you physically changed over the years? What have you become?  Are you worried about what other people think and “they” probably won’t be around in two years?

A great story with a principle goes as follows:  A disgruntled father complains to his son, “When George Washington was your age, he was a land surveyor,” and the son replies to his father, “When George Washington was your age, Dad; he was President of the United States.” It serves us well to look at ourselves and see what we can contribute in order to change the situation for the better.

Marriage is truly a valiant endeavor and you can DO it. It may be the greatest challenge you’ve ever face, but you have the ability to work through it and find a successful outcome.

Remember, check back for a continuing series about marriage.

Please comment on our Blog with any helpful hints on how you’ve stayed married.

Betty Gustin

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